The online fitness community has two answers to the kindness question:

 

1. Do the work and shut up - nobody cares how you feel, work harder.
2. Be kind to yourself and give your body what it needs when it needs it. 

 

The former can be taken too far, as can the latter. 

 

Too little kindness to oneself leads to poorer adherence and worse results. Here’s how…

 

Imagine you are working with a Triage Coach. You have been provided with a training and nutrition plan, and unfortunately, this plan doesn’t suit your needs. Maybe you forgot to tell your coach some key parts of your current situation, but for whatever reason, this plan is very hard for you to stick to. 

 

You suck it up and think do the work and shut up. 

 

This works for a few weeks. But, it drains you. Your results are decent, but you find yourself gradually losing enthusiasm, skipping workouts, and going off track with nutrition. Eventually, you feel like a failure, stop checking in with your coach, and blame yourself for not being able to put in the work. 

 

In this case, had you communicated openly about your struggle or the inappropriateness of the plan, the problem could have been solved. Why put it all on yourself, when the plan could be modified to require less of the suck factor?

 

On the other hand, too much kindness can lead to self-deception…

 

This is pretty easy to understand. This is the person who justifies every decision they make and pushes all failures to the side. If this is you, you tell yourself you deserve the cookies, earned the pizza, worked hard enough to skip a workout or two, or are worthy of a night out drinking. 

 

A little of this is fine, but when it leads to you skipping workouts consistently and not meeting your nutrition targets, there eventually comes a point where you have to be honest with yourself. If you want results, being kind to your current self can sometimes come at the expense of kindness to your future self. 

 

In this case, if you considered your future self, you might make a kind decision, but in so doing, sacrifice a little pleasure in the moment. This is the responsible, balanced approach to kindness and self-compassion. 

 

 

We don’t encourage either of these mindsets, but there are bits to be taken from both. 

 

You should shut up and do the work sometimes. There are days where you just don’t want to, but it is genuinely what is best for you. That goes for work, study, nutrition, training, and many other areas of life. But, over time, we want the plan to be set up in such a way that these days are minimised, as the plan of action is actually appropriate for you. 

 

You should also be kinder to yourself sometimes. There are days where you don’t want to do what you think you should for very valid reasons. You may really be under recovered, or you may have pushed too hard with the diet so far. Maybe life circumstances necessitate attention being put elsewhere. You have to have the self-awareness to know when these decisions are justified.

 

In summary, there is a time for self-tyranny, and there is a time for self-compassion. Sometimes, you really are just being soft. But sometimes, you’re being too hard for your own good. Do you know which is which?