For most of your life, you have probably been reminded of the importance of helping others. This is, of course, a good lesson for people to learn, but it doesn't tell the whole story. In order to help others, you need to first have the resources required to provide help. The more resources you have, the more help you can provide. These resources are context-specific, which is what this article will shed light on.
The quote above from 12 Rules for Life is one that perfectly encompasses the first point that I wish to get across. If you really want to care for yourself, then engaging in physical training, eating well, minimising unnecessary expenses, sleeping well, being disciplined in your daily actions, etc., are going to be steps in the right direction. Wouldn't you want someone you cared about to engage in those behaviours? As a parent, you'd want
your child to have some savings, to be healthy, to be fit, and therefore, the same should be said for yourself.
Yeah, yeah, that's obvious, right?
Of course, most people know that they should probably get on that path, but it requires you to be quite selfish at times. This is the key point: being selfish is actually of benefit to others. This line of thinking is only true to a certain extent, of course, but let's flesh it out...
If people around me need someone that has the capacity to carry/move a heavy object, it would be very helpful if I have engaged in the physical training required for that to be within my capability. So, what is required for me to be able to offer that help? I need to consistently engage in physical training. This will involve me being selfish at times, sacrificing other potential engagements in order to complete that physical training.
You can take this thought process further if you wish. Carrying things for others may be a regular occurrence in your life, but there may be more extreme examples where this becomes more important. Here is a hypothetical example:
You are out walking with your daughter. Out of nowhere, a car turns the bend on black ice, the car flips, hits the wall, and as you dive to the ground, the front end of the car lands on her leg, crushing the upper thigh before coming to rest on her pelvis. As blood gushes from her thigh on the underside of the car (making it inaccessible for you to occlude/stop the bleeding), you
know that it's only a matter of time before the blood loss becomes so great that she passes out. Your only option is for you and others on the street to pull the front of the car up 1 inch, at which point the leg can be freed. Together, you are able to produce 800 of the 850 lbs of force required, meaning that the car is stuck and chances of survival are reduced.
Before we go any further, please note that I am being deliberately extreme. It is absolutely not your fault if your child gets in an accident. This example is simply given to illustrate the point that the selfishness you engage in during the process of self-development / self-caring can turn out to be life-changing for others. It is unlikely that most of us will be in such a life or death situation, but I think we can all agree that better preparation
would certainly be desirable.
There are many less extreme examples that can apply here, such as the functional decline with aging and loss of independence, the ability to avoid/neutralise in the case of physical conflict, reducing burden on others who may need to care for you as you get weaker, etc.. Again, disease is not completely avoidable, and people should not be blamed for declining in their function as life goes on, but the point is that we can all engage in certain behaviours that
reduce risk, even if that reduction is quite small.
Beyond health and fitness, looking after yourself financially is the other obvious example that comes up here. I'm not going to spend time telling you that it's your fault if you are not on the path to wealth, but clearly, there is a lot to be said for viewing your personal finances through the lens of potential to help/support others down the line. You can't just think your way out of poverty, so don't get me wrong, but if you are someone who spends all of
your wages on drinking at the weekends, gambling, clothes you don't need, etc., then it may be worth considering the long term. Being selfish by working hard and improving your financial wellbeing may be the selfless act needed to reduce strain on your partner/kids/siblings in the future.
To conclude, I hope I got the point across that being selfish may very well be the thing that helps those around you the most. It may not always seem like it, but time will be the judge. These arguments should not be taken to justify shaming those who are poor or suffering from illness, but rather to empower you as an individual to take the most practical steps forward on the path to being a better human.
I hope you enjoyed this article, and would really appreciate your feedback/thoughts.
- Gary McGowan
