Even the "tough guys" out there are guilty of making excuses, offloading responsibility, and self-deception. This is the path of short term comfort and long term
failure.
The extreme victim believes that any negative event or failure in their life is the result of external circumstances, or the mistakes of others.
One thing it's certainly not is an error on their behalf. Never...
On the other hand, the extreme self-critic can let the pendulum swing too far in the other
direction. This is the person that is unable to accept any minor mistake, and not only do they blame every negative personal event on themselves, but also the negative state of those around them. They believe that everything they do is inadequate, and sometimes end up failing due to giving up. The overwhelm of self-criticism is just unsustainable in some cases.
Where is the sweet spot?!
The sweet
spot involves taking ownership. It involves self-criticism. But, it also involves some degree of self-compassion, or at the very least, honesty about what you did well.
Take the following
example:
Weekend Eating Case Example: Gary is a 27-year-old male who needs to consume 2500-2700 calories on average in order to achieve his desired rate of fat
loss. This weekend, he indulged at multiple meals, including pizza, ice cream, and little activity.
Victim Mindset: "Ugh, everyone around me just
doesn't understand my goals. I wouldn't have gone off track if it wasn't for them. I'm not even going to track what I ate, as the app just always overestimates and makes me feel bad."
Extreme Self-Critic: "I am such a failure. What sort of loser eats pizza and ice cream?! By my calculations, I overate by 1500 calories each day. None of the other guys at the gym would do that. I overate 3 weeks ago as well. I am clearly just not cut out for this."
Rational, Honest Ownership: "I probably overdid it a bit this week. I tracked, and it looks like my average calories across the week were up by 250/day. If I want to achieve my goals, I need to come up with a strategy to nail the weekends, as I haven't been disciplined enough. However, I am glad I trained at the weekend, and my protein intake
across the week was spot on."
Can you see the difference?
When you take ownership of your mistakes and your wins, you are able to be more objective about what does and doesn't need to change. Being self-critical can be just as harmful as being the victim in denial sometimes, so I would encourage you to identify to which side your pendulum swings and
adjust accordingly.
The reality is that, yes, you are responsible for your life. You do have control. The learned helplessness of the victim mindset is of no use. It will only make your life worse.
Just make sure not to confuse being objective with excessive self-criticism to the point of self-destruction.
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